Today is August the 25th and as I type this a close friend of mine is spending her first weekend in Cape Verde. Now that she has left it has made it so much more real to me that I’ll be doing the same thing in less than a month. I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting nervous. With 20 something days left until I leave I find myself torn between allowing myself nervousness and forcing a persona of excitement. Don't get me wrong I’m crazy excited, especially as I form a closer bond with the other girls going on the trip. I can't wait to see all the amazing things God is gonna do I have a bit more funding to do but God has provided in ways I could never imagine. If He’s done all that while I’m still U.S. I can't wait to see what He’ll do in Honduras. But nevertheless, I’m human and I have my worries. In my constant attempt to divert the worrisome thoughts I am reminded of two verses the first being Matthew 6:25-26
“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.”
I really like the message version of this verse. I find myself worrying about a lot of things whether it be subconsciously or consciously my mind is constantly drifting to things like; what if i'm not good enough of a christian to be a missionary, what if I'm making a mistake not going straight to college or what if I’m not mentally healthy enough for this trip. What if, what if, what if that thought pattern truly haunts me and the worst part is I know that 98% of the time it’s irrational but I still can’t shake the thoughts. I think we all go through the “what if’s” at some point unfortunately it’s an inevitable part of human life. The important part is what you do after the “what ifs” cross your mind. For that I try to rely on the second verse I am reminded of Philippians 4:6-7
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
It’s a huge overused christian cliche to say just pray about, matter of fact before I was a christian that phrase would make me angry. I can name thousands of time that I would be getting anxious about something and one of the many christians in my life would remind me that “God didn’t give us a spirit of fear” and I should just ”pray about it”. It’s funny how God worked it so that the verse that used to be fighting words to me is now one of my go to verses. Whoever says that God doesn't have a sense of humor clearly doesn't have the same relationship with God that I do(not to brag but were pretty close) Thankfully now I’m on the other side and I get that prayer is one of the most powerful tools anyone can have in their toolbox. I can't even imagine how much easier my life would have been if I would have stopped and prayed about things but of course that's the past and I can't live there because I'm in the now. So as I prepare for this trip and I find myself in those inevitable what if’s I remember to stop drop and pray even if it's just 10 seconds of me tuning out the world to say Jesus.
