We slept in tents (rain or shine) and we ate culturally diverse foods (honorable mentions were the curry we had to eat with our hands, the century egg [fermented egg], and cooked cricket bugs). We had to jog/walk 2 miles with our backpacks on, we stayed at a “host family” when our campsite flooded, we used porta potties for 2 weeks, washed our clothes by hand and showered out of 5 gallon buckets.
But through the full 2 weeks one of the most powerful moments for me was the day we did a marketplace simulation. Let me just tell you how that brought me to tears. They kept us on a small stretch of road, vans and cars drove through in the middle of the 200+ crowd of people, there were beggars, mothers, drunkards, drug dealers, and American tourists. The vendors only spoke other languages and we had “cash” that we had to exchange. We were limited to what foods were available and we had 20 minutes to get enough food for the whole team to eat within budget.
My sensory overload was at its height. I was paralyzed by fear and overwhelm. I tried to speak to a vendor and every piece of Spanish I learned over 13 years ago went out the door (sorry Senior Pierce). I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone on the street because I didn’t know what to say. Do I give them money, do we try to buy them food? It broke my tender heart. When we got back to our eating area I lost it. It was not only the overwhelm but the reality that this is real. That I cannot help each person and that leaves me feeling helpless.
This experience gave me perspective and a reality check of how life isn’t getting out of my paid for car and going into a grocery store (available on every corner) and slowly getting any food I can think of without the concern that it's going to make me sick or that I won't have the instruments to prepare it. In the air conditioned stores, I almost always get through without being bothered, or without feeling threatened, and without having to decide if I am going to buy my food or use my money to help someone who has nothing. It's humbling. I am so glad I got this tiny simulation to prepare my heart and open my eyes to be able to approach a market in other countries (and the grocery stores when I get home) with Jesus’ eyes and a different heart.
When reflecting on the 2 weeks in Georgia the one lesson that stuck out to me was the one on identity. The speaker talked about how he always played the role in every circumstance growing up. That is me also. I have always said I figure out the mold people expect of me and I morph into it. I was the compliant daughter, the straight A student, the dependable employee, and the selfless friend. While all of these qualities are not inherently bad, in fact they are some of my greatest assets of who I am but I realized it was coming from a place of inadequacy and fear of rejection.
So I am leaning into who God says that I am and serving, and loving from the abundance that He provides in my heart and not from striving for others acceptance. We had the opportunity to one day to be baptized. I was sprinkled in the Methodist Church as a baby and confirmed in the church as a teenager, and in 2019 I was baptized on my own accord at my local church in Conway with my family and close friends. But this one was different. This was not a salvation issue or assurance in that regard, this was a cleansing, a reminder to die to self and live in the fullness of God. This was a symbol of giving up control and to cease striving and letting go and letting God lead. I’d love to say that I stepped out of that inflated pool and never looked back, but I have to be honest and say it's a constant battle and I have to remind myself everyday to trust Him.
The most clear thing that God spoke to me during Training Camp was to “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28. It goes hand in hand with my need to release control of my life to the Author of it. He is constantly reminding me that against every fiber in my body I can trust Him and He has got me. That I can unclench and relax and stop working so hard to be something and someone. I am His child and I am loving and sharing Him and I don’t have to do that alone or in my own strength.
Training camp was the beginning of the first phase of this trip, ABANDONMENT. It taught me not to take things for granted, like flushing, turning on a hot shower daily, and eating comfort foods. I’m writing this a week into Guatemala and I would say that Training Camp was necessary and truly did prepare me for some of the circumstances I have already experienced. And that God is trustworthy and is with me always!
