Here we are. Month 9. In two weeks we touch down in the States and this thing called the race is over.
It feels as though we’ve been here forever. But also, where did the time go?
I remember the excitement of loading up the truck and driving the 2 ½ hours to AIM base. Watching familiar faces flash by my window who I vaguely knew from GroupMe. I was led into my first campsite (there were many moves to come) and met half my team and some of the boys. That first night I was in pure shock. I lay awake, staring at the top of my tent, drenched in sweat. This was my life now.
And today, I rolled out of my eno in Santiago, Dominican Republic. Had some gallo pinto for breakfast, spent the morning writing blogs, and will hop on a van for manual labor later in the day. Now, there are two weeks left.
We’ve been through a lot to say the least. There is a story and experience to fill every crack of my World Race journey.
A lot can change in 9 months. So… what has changed?
When I look at myself in our cracked and dirty mirror every morning I see someone who I have never seen before. She’s always been there but I’ve never seen her quite like this.
She is a woman who walks boldly in the presence of her Father. Someone who says yes to the hard things, always presses in, and chooses people every chance she gets. She actually believes she is a daughter worth fighting for. She doesn’t believe God will walk out on her anymore.
During my first one on one with Carter Groves, he asked me about my family. My testimony. My biological dad. It was hard. It hurt. It was uncomfortable.
I realized I thought God was going to leave me. If I wasn’t good enough He was gone. A lie that was so tightly glued to me. But one step at a time the healing power of Jesus’ blood melted away the heartache and pain. He was my Father. He wasn’t walking out anytime soon.
In the middle of Gainesville, Georgia the Lord challenged me. He dared me to let go of fear. He gave me room to drop chains of fear. And I almost didn’t. I was scared and uncomfortable - a life without fear? I had no idea what it looked like.
But I did. I took the step of faith. I let go of fear. I left it in a lake during month three :).
Costa Rica. Our first international country. Suddenly I heard His voice in a very new way. He spoke frequently. He spoke freely. I heard it CLEARLY.
And then He started telling me the hard things. He told me truth. He gave me prophecies. He showed me freedom. He gave quite a handful to steward.
I felt unworthy. Unworthy of holding His truth and in doubt that I could really hear these things from Him. I freaked out.
And then He told me I was trustworthy. I could hold this. He chose me to hold these. He knows I CAN hold this. So I did. I heard His voice and I believed it. I held the stories of others well. I ran with the keys of the kingdom in my hand.
Dominican Republic. Quite the season of life. It’s been tough. Full of spiritual warfare and learning how to carry stories of the locals well. A LOT of refinement in my personal walk. Asking Him hard questions and Him doing the same back. But the hard thing isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually such a good thing.
Funny enough, I sat with Carter Groves again the other day. We talked about the things to come, what I’ve been walking through, and where we are headed. He pointed out something - The girl he met by the stairs of our SMP all those months ago who didn’t believe God was her Father, she looks different now. Not just a little different. Completely different.
This girl has changed.
It wasn’t the community living or the teachings or the fitness hike or the abandonment or the ministry.
It was the everlasting love and grace and refinement and voice of God that changed my life. It was daily surrender and pressing in and opening my eyes to the one true King.
And it doesn’t stop here. There is more to come.
Looking for some life change? It’s right here in the presence of God.
