Welcome friends to Day 3 of my Month Long Blogging Challenge! If you haven't read my posts from Day 1, "A Storyful September," or Day 2, "When Jesus Shook My Porta-Potty," you should go check them out after you finish reading this one. If you haven't yet subscribed to my blog I would love for you to be able to do that by selecting the "SUBSCRIBE FOR UPDATES" button at the top of the page. All you have to do is enter your email address and you will receive updates from me as I post from the field! This will truly be the best way to keep up with me seeing as I won't always have access to social media and my cellphone.
It isn't exactly a secret anymore that I used to suffer from an eating disorder. It is something that I battled for many many years, but something I am gladly walking in freedom from now. That being said... my title probably caught the attention of many people and might have even sparked some concern, so it's time that I step up and come clean with you guys...
I had a checkup scheduled for the Monday once I returned from Training Camp. Nothing fancy, just a routine checkup to make sure everything is in order and looking good, especially considering I'm about to be out of the country for the next year. Routine blood-work, small talk with the doc, getting measurements for my height from the nurse, and so on and so forth.
This checkup wasn't as "routine" for me though as you might be thinking. The nurse told me to hop onto the scale and in that split second I made a decision that still has me smiling to think about. I stood on that scale and kept my eyes upward, not looking at the number before me. You may be saying "Meagan that's not a big deal," and no maybe it's not, but in that moment it was one of the most freeing things I had ever experienced.
I haven't NOT cared what that number on the scale showed since I was a 9 or 10 year old little girl, so to say that was a HUGE DEAL for me would be an understatement. In that moment I was choosing to walk in the freedom that my Papa has gifted to me. I was choosing to celebrate and embrace the little victories even though they may seem silly to some. In that moment I was wholeheartedly believing that my worth does NOTget to be defined by my weight. I am fiercely loved, fully known, always chosen, and seen as beautiful and oh so worthy in my Papa's eyes. The number on a scale has no power over me or my life, and never again will I give it a say in my identity!
So have I lost weight? Yes in one regard, and maybe/maybe not in another. I haven't stepped onto a scale since before I headed to Training Camp, so as far as physical weightloss goes, I have no earthly idea. Spiritually, mentally, and emotionally however, I have lost a whole heck of a lot of weight. I was clinging to baggage and burdens that were weighing me down and not allowing me to live in the full freedom that my Papa was holding right in front of me. I was being weighed down by addiction, shame, and unforgiveness.
Everyday at Training Camp I grew closer in intimacy to my Papa and He gently revealed those hurts and hindrances that I simply needed to lay down at His feet. Hear me when I say this... it was NOT easy, far from it actually. Weightloss is never "easy." You have to fight for it. You have to intentionally make a plan to lose that weight and keep focussed in the pursuit of your goal. You have to make lifestyle changes, and be willing to forego those things that have been, and will continue to hold you back. Sometimes weightloss is easier if we reach out for help and support to those around us. A support system is a beautiful and God-given tool. Lastly, you must realize that weightloss is letting go and saying goodbye to parts of yourself; the parts that hold you back, the parts that viciously cling to you for dear life, the parts that "weigh" you down and make you feel that constant "heaviness."
Weightloss isn't easy, but oh is it so incredibly worth it. My friends you are loved, you are valued, and you are purposed in a way that only YOUare! What's weighing you down today that you need to lay at your Papa's feet? Always know that I am here for you, and feel free to reach out to me at any time!
-Meagan
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