I want to tell you a little story about what happened one morning as I headed off to ministry. I put my headphones in my ears and began the mile and a half long walk to Fundación Hogar Los Angeles.
For those of you who haven’t read any of my previous blogs, this month my squad and I have had the opportunity to serve at a foundation which houses adults with various disabilities. The particular home in which my team and I serve have residents ranging from ages 15-38. Some of the conditions they are diagnosed with consist of cerebral palsy, autism, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, and partial paralysis. These individuals have truly captured my heart and I thank God for this opportunity and how much He has grown me during this month.
As I was saying... One morning as I was walking to ministry I stopped at a fork in the road, pulled my headphones out of my ears, and completely broke down. Thankfully one of my teammates and close friend’s, Summer, was right behind me and walked over as I began sobbing. I looked at her with tears streaming down my face and shook my head as I choked out “I can’t do this.” I told her that my heart was constantly breaking at ministry. I thought it would get easier as the month went on, but it only got harder as the realization set in more and more that I truly couldn’t do anything for these people. Their heads itch from lice, they cry out from painful bedsores or because they have soiled themselves and need to be changed, they want so desperately to be able to communicate with me but many are nonverbal and the one’s who do speak are confused as to why I don’t speak their language. My heart was breaking for these people, but all the while God has been using this opportunity to break me of something else.
He has broken me of my need to control. To fix, to help, to alleviate or make a situation “better.” He doesn’t always call us to that. Sometimes all He is asking of us is to simply be. He taught me this month that it’s not about me. It’s not about what I can or can’t do. It’s about Him. It’s about love. It’s about listening and being obedient to the fact that all He has asked of me in this month is to sit with Him and His children. To be with them. To be a smiling face, a back rub, a song on my ukulele, a dance partner, a walking buddy, an arm wrestling opponent, a friend to color with, a hand to hold, a selfie snapper, and a soothing “te amo!”
So I’m letting go. Letting go of control, and of my need “to do” something. Thank you God for the freedom of stillness, of surrender, and of simply being.
-Meagan
