Love is a strange way to put it. Love-hate is more realistic of an expression for my relationship to Cambodia. I really I have to convince myself some days that I can like it here. It is not particularly the country itself. Sure, it feels like it is 110 degrees outside and it is only 11 am. And yes, I do wake up to the megaphone chants of monks at 5 am every other day. But that all does not necessarily get to me. I have gotten used to it because it is what is expected - anticipated. The hard part about living here is the situations that I find myself in. Unlike the other countries, I have to choose into loving God. It came so naturally in Latin America because I was constantly being poured into. There were always people sharing about how God was moving. I saw physical miracles. He was so, so present and real. Here, it is harder. He seems farther. I have to choose for myself to find Him in my Bible, in my community, in my prayer. It can be easy to get caught up in my own thoughts without taking it before the Lord.
I have found myself in the deepest, darkest valleys while being here. The spirit of darkness is flowing and penetrating the fabric of this country. It can be easy to get lost and tangled in the dark. I have to constantly remind myself that God is good. That He is worthy of praise even if I don’t feel it. That I get to forgive and ask for forgiveness. That I get to ask for help. I get to choose into the community here while I have it. And I have also seen the heights of the mountaintops. I have seen the Father draw near and have heard His voice. THE God. He speaks and listens and cares. Cambodia, I believe, is a reflection of the struggles I will go through at home. I am grateful that I am here to practice with my family of believers. And for this I love Cambodia. I love it because it is real and challenging and fruitful. My love is not really adoration but rather gratitude and appreciation.
I have one month left of my own Race before I step into the next one. If you want to continue supporting me on my journey of growing, experiencing, and discipling then donate above. :)
This is a poster I made for Khmer New Years earlier this month. I will love memories like this.
