*Repost from 7/22/2021
I wasn't planning on writing another blog before I launched but I feel like I left some things unsaid about training camp. In my time there God has been calling me to a deeper level of trust and obedience than what I had already. I can think of multiple examples of this.
There were multiple times throughout the week where I felt God telling me to pray over someone or to go and talk to someone. Before this week I only ever went up to someone randomly and prayed for them one time, at a prayer meeting at my church a few years ago. Every time I approached someone this week and prayed for them I would struggle first wondering if it was the Holy Spirit or myself telling me to do this. Then I went for it anyway and thought that God can use it even if it was from me and I could use it to learn to better hear God's voice in the future.
The biggest time this week that God asked for me to trust Him and to be obedient was the last night we were there. He asked me to get baptized, again. It was completely out of the blue. They do baptisms the last night of training camp and a few people from my squad and the other squads got baptized. It was amazing, but I didn't feel I should get baptized. Then we went and had one of the most amazing nights of worship I ever had.
At the end, one of my squadmates felt he should get baptized so went back outside to the kiddie pool in the middle of a thunderstorm. After he got baptized I started feeling a tugging at my heart to do the same. But I dismissed it, I mean I had already been baptized twice and I was thinking I just wanted attention. Then a few other people on my squad got baptized. At that point, I had convinced myself I just wanted attention. It was about 11 p.m. and it was still storming. Then one of my squadmates yelled out that if you're feeling a tugging on your heart then that means you should probably do it. I was thinking, "Dang it! I have to do this. Don't I?" (But thank you Joanne for saying that).
So I decided to be obedient to God and trust Him and I got baptized for the third time. It was amazing at that moment. My squad's leadership prophesied over me and then baptized me. I wish I could say that afterward, I felt at peace with that decision.
But not five minutes passed before I was questioning what I had done. Why did I get baptized when I already had been? The second baptism I had the same thought process but I knew that I was actually living for God so it wasn't as hard for me to go through with it. So I spent some time wrestling with what I did. Whether it was from God or not. Talking to one of my teammates the next morning helped shed light that this was just obedience. But I was still not sure whether I did the right thing. Because I wasn't sure and felt shame for doing it I wasn't planning on telling anyone. But shame doesn't come from God. So I am deciding to trust God. I don't know why he wanted me to get baptized. Maybe it was just because he wanted me to trust Him and be obedient. Maybe it's for something more than that. I might never know but I trust God.
But on the off chance, this still wasn't from God I wasn't going to share it with anyone else. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me that baptism was meant to show the world that I proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord. So if I'm not going to share that I got baptized again what was the point. So my most recent act of obedience is writing this and sharing that I got baptized. I still have a bit of fear about what I did but that is mostly from what others will think of me. Even if I did do something wrong what's the worst God is going to do? Correct me and forgive me?
I want to keep being obedient to God and letting him be in more and more of my life. To be someone that God can trust. Which is why I got baptized and I'm going on the World Race.
