Earlier this week, I began asking the Lord for a song. The music I’ve been listening to lately hasn’t resonated or struck home, so I asked for a song that would. That same day, UPPERROOM and John Mark Pantana released a song with Ocean & the Ghost called “Can’t Outrisk”. The beginning lyrics are as follows:
Find me praising in the prisons of delay and cynicism
Cheating fate with faith in the valleys of decision
So let hope arise and open eyes in Jesus name
And let the paralyzed stand and shine as we proclaim
That we can't outrisk His faithfulness
Free us from the poverty of beggin’ for whats been given
Would you show us all our royalty so we can just start livin’
Because we can't outrisk Your faithfulness
You can clean up all our mess
Oh we cant outrisk Your faithfulness
He's sayin’ I, I believe in you
And I've got your back when you don't know what to do
When faced with the idea of writing a blog about March, I couldn’t think to write about anything other than how badly I’ve wanted to quit. This month, reality hit me upside the head and I realized how much surrender God has asked me to step into. I’m grieving letting go of both my grip on the past and my ideas for the future. Running back to college life is no longer the best option, and moving overseas as a missionary is no longer an identity I can idolize. I want to run back to something that’s familiar, but it’s insanity to do what you’ve always done and expect different results. Sitting in the in-between of where I’m at and where I want to be is painful!
But something I’ve been learning is that it’s not God’s will to wish away the pain. There are actually things I can learn about God in hard times that I can’t learn in easy ones. So I’ve been praying the lyrics of this song over my life: that I’d be praising God in the seasons of delay. That hope would arise and I’d choose faith. That I would take the risks He’s asking me to take, and walk in the authority I’ve already been given!
This month in class, we talked about a lot of different topics. We learned about soul care, vulnerability, personality, spiritual gifts, and teams. It was through diving deep into these topics and learning more about the way I show up that God chose to show me his promise: “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:19). While my instinct may be to run back to the comforts of life six months ago, He is doing a new thing in me. This “new” might seem like a desert containing suffering and I may be tempted to quit, but it is here that he makes rivers and brings forth life. Make no mistake– It still hurts and I’m still grieving. But I’m choosing to pray and believe in faith that rivers of living water can be found here. I am moving forward knowing that I can’t outrisk His faithfulness, so may I risk until I see rivers in my desert.
