I used to think that following God was like a big list of lessons, checking off the ones you learn as the years go by. “I learned how to love people,” I would say, or “I learned how to share my faith.” To say I’m learnING something instead of having learnED it would make me cringe, and still does a little. But CGA has been full of processes instead of checklists, and I’ve found myself without the usual bullet points to share.
In all honesty, I have tears in my eyes thinking about how redemptive the end of CGA has been. The last blog I wrote told the story of a suffering girl who wanted to move back home, and now the only story I have to share is the goodness of the God who opened my eyes to what I couldn’t see. I am a logical thinker, who tends to see in black and white using efficiency and strategy. Seeing people as people rather than projects with potential is one of the biggest journeys the Lord has taken me on over the last couple of years. In CGA God continued teaching me how to love people by opening my eyes so I could see them deeper than I ever have before. Being thrown into a class of four and expected to love each other like family gave me no choice but to empathize. I honestly used to think that my view of the world was the only one, but this semester held conversation after conversation until I finally understood what it meant to step into another’s shoes. When I look back on my life since January, I can honestly say that I’ve seen the Lord soften my heart and grow my capacity to know and love people. If that was the only thing I learned this semester, it’s enough to praise the Lord! But the good news is, that’s not all.
Like I began on my race, I have continued learning about the power of my words. For the longest time, I’ve lived in a reality that draws lines and boxes around “the way things are.” I have thought thoughts and spoken words that reflect this, believing that things won’t change or stopping an experience from happening because I start with doubt instead of faith. My peers helped me see the death grip I had on this fixed mindset, and patiently helped me release it by calling it out. I went from constantly complaining about living in Gainesville & having to invest in new people to replacing negative thoughts with positive words. Eventually, I began believing what I was telling myself. There is power in the words you say to you!!! (I had the opportunity to cover a 4-hour period of class teaching on this topic in early May. The title: The Words You Speak Become the House You Live In).
Unfortunately I spent a lot of CGA focusing on me: my flaws, my insecurities, my gifts, my talents, and more. It wasn’t until the end that I realized I had been seeking God for what He could tell me about myself instead of seeking Him for who He is. I had made my time here in Georgia way harder than it had to be because I had lost sight of why. The God that created this entire universe and everything in it LITERALLY called me out by name! He loved me enough to “be the bigger person” and pay the price for all my wrongdoings, just so we could be together again. I came to CGA to fall in love with the Lord again, and for some reason I was looking at myself to do it. Making this shift and taking time daily to fix my eyes on just Jesus (Hebrews 12) was the best decision I made here. As the famous hymn says,
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.
As CGA comes to an end and I move back to Colorado (yay!), all I know is I’m seeing people clearer than I ever have and therefore loving more than I ever have. I am more aware of the power of my words, and more certain that fixing my eyes on the character of God is always the answer. I am still grieving the loss of a 2024 college graduation and asking God what’s next, but I’ve never been so sure that whatever comes will be good because I know Who the Author is.
