Picture this: A room full of new people. Sleeping on the floor for a month. Pressure to make a good impression. Having no co-leader in a room full of leadership teams. Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, and numbness. Welcome to training!
Maybe similar to you, I struggle when I am unable to show up as the best version of myself. When insecurity or sadness or discomfort get in the way of me feeling like myself, I am easily frustrated. In these times I find myself crying out to God & asking Him why. In these feelings last month, I saw so tangibly that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9). When I felt pressure to be on my “A-game” for my racers but wasn’t able to meet my own standard, God moved mightily anyways. I would leave a session with a cloudy, distracted mind, and my racers left blown away by what they had learned about God. Without a single word of advice from my mouth, the racers began engaging with God via the Holy Spirit in ways that were previously foreign to them. When I was off booking hostels and busses, the squad was getting to know each other and God in new depths. On a night I was feeling off and distant from God, over 100 racers and leaders were baptized in an act of hunger for more of God. The truth about training is that it was never about me or what I could do!
I’ve been dwelling a lot recently on the difference between slavery and sonship. We just landed in Asia, where millions of Buddhists believe they must work their way to a greater life. I feel heartbroken over the “hope” that they cling to, for it seems exhausting and not like hope at all. I’ve been thinking about how it’s not just them. Most Christians in America feel the same “slave-like” pressure to work hard to appease their Master. We believe we must do all the right things, to “be good” in order for God to do things in and for us. I even found myself believing this lie at training! But the TRUTH is that we are sons and daughters of the Most High God. A son does not have to work to please his Dad– he is loved regardless of what he does. A son is given an inheritance and has hope because of who his Father is. God is God– He will remain good & faithful even when we are not (2 Tim 2:13). All the pressure is off, because God doesn’t give based on what I bring to the table. Talk about good news!!
What a beautiful reminder I was given just before I left for Asia. Even when I didn’t feel like I had much to bring, God still moved. I am teary-eyed thinking about how kind He is and how blessed I am to share in this inheritance based on nothing I did. Thank you God
P.s. I just adore my racers. 9 girls and 1 guy. Ages 18-24. They have been so supportive of me as I solo-lead, and such good sports amidst long travel days & choppy communication. They are meeting Holy Spirit, most of them for the first time, and it has just been the coolest thing. We’ll be in Siem Reap, Cambodia until mid-October, sharing about God via teaching English in small villages. Pray for us!
